Japandamonium!!!

So Thursday night turned suddenly awesome at a late and unexpected hour. At about midnight I got a call from this girl Selena, a brit friend who lives down the hall. She has this mad hushed voice and is very anxious, and asks if i would be brave enough to come down the hall and check out her area, because she has been hearing this steady heavy breathing right outside her door and is freaked out; she can't see anything through the peephole, but there is unmistakably some kind of heavy breathing noise that is coming through and scaring her. So I come out thinking that it's probably nothing, some kind of plumbing or heating thing or something, but i go and look down the hallway and there's this body lying down on the floor with its face right up against her door. I'm thinking "oh shit" and suddenly expecting some kind of trouble with a creepy guy who's mysteriously in the building, bracing myself as i keep going down the hall. And then i get closer and see that it's John, passed the hell out on the floor of the hallway, having not made it to his room before abandonding the consious world. I start laughing and tell Selena to come out, and she screams when she sees the body on the floor but quickly relaxes when i explain that it's just her drunk neighbor, and we both are laughing at him for a while. I try to puzzle out how to find his keys and get him into his bed when we see that his keys are in fact in his hand, held out pointing at his door. The poor guy was so close, so close and just couldn't make it that extra few feet.
I am getting ready to fireman's hoist him into the room (wouldn't be easy since he's much taller and heavier than I am) but he shoots awake the second I touch him, and is somehow instantly energized and still drunk and hilarious. We laugh at him a lot and laugh with him a lot more, and he's really embarrassed about it all and REALLY sorry for freaking out Selena, and kind of all around hilarious as he is frenetically apologizing and telling his night's story and discovering that he's still drunk. The best part happened after Selena went to bed. I was still with John making him drink water, and he realized that he hadn't eaten in a long time and was really hungry, but didn't trust himself to cook anything safely and pleaded with me to help. I was happy to, i was actually really enjoying myself. John is a very boistrous kind of guy, even if he thinks he's somewhat shy, and very loudly fun to be with. Together we are undoubtedly the loudest people in the building, and it's a good thing that my room is the only one closest enough to the kitchen to be bothered (at some point that night though, i told him to quiet down because we might wake me up, and it really confused him). So we go in the kitchen and start frying some eggs up and heating up bagels, all John's, and we eat a bunch of eggs and decide to make a bunch more. I barred John from doing anything related to the cooking process, for fear that he'd somehow kill us both, but this had only limited success. See, i kept breaking the yolks when i cracked the eggs, and we started yelling at each other about it. He wondered why i cracked the eggs into a bowl and not on teh edge of the pan, i said it's because i didn't want egg juice getting onto the burner, he said that if i cracked them on the pan then i wouldn't break the yolks. We went on like this for a while until he says "I'lllllll do it!" and proceeds in one deft motion to shatter an egg all over the stove, pan, burner, and floor. It was epic, homeric. We were laughing so hard and so long that the eggs in the pan burnt. It was hysterical and great. Good stupid male bonding. Here are some pictures of it, John being drunk with cheese, eggs on the stove, me with eggs, me like a cheffing ninja with pan and spatula (although i didn't use the spatula, having great success with the pan-flip).