Japandamonium!!!

Dear Friends,
I find myself come upon honestly-not-too-desperate times, and must inform you of something that has not had any real tragic significance in my life, but still, from a certain (albeit quite skewed) point of view, represents a loss. I come to tell you the story of my first houseplant, now deceased, one Greenstem P. Alvarez. Alvarez’s life in this house was neither a particularly smooth nor joyful existence, I will admit. From the very first there were signs that he would not long remain a healthy resident, for instance the fact that he was not a flowering or hanging plant, or really even any kind of houseplant at all, but was in fact, parsley. This tragic and immutable aspect of his character bespoke a sad and early doom for poor Alvarez. He was also marked “parsley to eat” and not “parsley to grow” which, a friend informed me, meant that I was supposed to use and replace him speedily before he had a chance to die on me. That heartless monster.

Things had started off very well for me and Alvarez – I had found him on sale at Sainsbury’s for a scant 45p, marked down because he was to ‘expire’ the next morning. At the time I thought that was ludicrous: do plants expire, I asked myself? Well now I know.

After joyfully bringing him home and furnishing him with his own luxurious and honorable place on the far corner of my desk, things were looking great for us. But then disaster struck: hunger. It struck, and struck again. I believe in retrospect that my periodic grazing upon Alvarez had only bad effects upon our relationship. Each time I nibbled of his lush, herby leaves or tore into the watery lower stalks, I could feel him growing a bit colder inside, retreating from the life we had built up together; but I could not stop myself. Things were getting critical between us, and I knew that pretty soon our relationship would probably draw to an end. Still, optimistic, as I prepared for a holiday away in Bath last weekend I hoped that the time apart might do us some good. Tragically I had forgotten to provide any water for Alvarez during my absence (or in fact at any single point during his stay here), and when I returned he was no longer alive.

I think that it was a combination of factors; mainly his being cooking parsley, my eating him, and my never watering him, ever. Alvarez, you will be missed, and hopefully your replacement, sorry, “successor” will be something less immediately edible. Here are some pictures:


Also, Bath was really great and I took snazzy pictures and had good adventures and ate homecooked meals, and will tell all about it soon.