Japandamonium!!!

Uch, does anyone else share my utter weakness to good candy bars? I swear, I just have no ability to resist the things. Had such a big and filling dinner tonight, but was unable to restrain myself from chowing down a Mars bar just now, and feel a bit ill from overstuffing. Blast you, Mars bars!

So when I say that last night was an interesting experience, I don't want anyone to be confused and think that I mean it was a good experience. Not funny "ha ha" if you know what I mean, just funny. Right, well that said, last night was sure an Interesting experience. Umm, apologies to those with sensetive eyes. This post might not be the one to show the kids or Great Aunts (Hi Aunt Quillie). In fact, this post is certainly not the one to show to those kids etc. I just scanned down to reread before posting, and, well, a weeeeeee bit of agression finds its way onto the page. Aunt Quillie, you just go ahead and scroll down to the next post, and everything will be better.

Selena, a hallmate, and her best friend Stephanie invited John and I to a birthday party at Stephanie's flat. It was, in a word, horrificallyterribleandembarrassingnottomentioncompletelydemeaning. So we were told a few days ago that it was probably going to be like fifty of Steph's girlfriends and the two of us, which we figured was an odd but possibly good setup, but we didn't really put enough thought into why a setup like that could come about.

God, you know what - i'm still so completely pissed off about it all that I don't really have the wherewithal to even desribe the whole night and the myriad facets of its utter sucking, so here's a tidy breakdown of it all. Don't worry, you'll never know the fun you weren't at all missing.

We were brought to this place as objects of malicious entertainment for the birthday girl and her friends, to be mocked and made fun of for the entire effing night. It was completely fucking embarrassing and demeaning, competely crushing and aweful for the entire time we were there. It seems that the whole focus of our inclusion in the evening was to provide an imported item of exotic and savage origin that the locals could jeer at and feel better than. It was fucking bizzare, like depraved and twisted and bizzare. It was like something out of ancient Rome. The whole time was this progression of people just laughing at us in these mean and subtle ways, talking to us in order to make fun of our Americanness, of my Jewishness at one deLIGHTful moment that mysteriously preceded our immediate getting the fuck out of there, our speech and the words we said, our bearing and manner; they made fun of how we felt out of place in a new country around new people, they got a kick out of our newness to their more civilized world. It was embarassing and meanspirited all. We were only there to be mocked as exotic outsiders by this group of in-friends, like people take out a bad horror movie to laugh at or assholes TV jocks taking a nerd along with them for a night just to laugh at him cruelly. It was like the Romans finding sport in pitting unarmed slaves against, you know, LIONS, because it's entertaining to watch something get torn the fuck apart in place that feels alien to it. It. Was. Terrible. MY absolute highlight of the night, and this is just a gem of an experience, came with Stephanie. She was extraordinarily drunk and horrible to be around, and coming onto me strongly. She walked over to talk to me and didn't make it, half collapsing on a bad and almost sliding off it onto the floor. I try at first to coax and then to heave her fully onto the bed so that she doesn't end up falling down and hurting herself, and ending up passed out on the floor of her own party. And into the middle of this enobling and exciting process steps Nina, one of Steph's horribly condescending and deriding and aweful friends. She pulls herself right in front of me as I'm struggling to look out for her woefully drunken friend, levels eyes like coal bricks at mine, and says in a voice that she's made loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the apartment: "I think it's just disgusting when someone takes advantage of a drunk girl." And remains there in front of me as heads turn from every direction, smiling her venomous pointed little teeth at me, until my face goes red like a strawberry and i mumble something like "yes, I concur" as coolly as I can. In my head, I finish the statement with something like "you whorish, fathomless pit of poxied utter bitchiness," but i thought it not perhaps prudent to voice that particular opinion at that time. I, by the way in case you couldn't tell, Can Not FUCKING Believe That. Snake Nina spends the rest of her night wandering around the party repeating her scandalized summation of the event to everyone she can find, pointing at me from across rooms, and always making sure I'm just in earshot when she says it, and often engaged in conversation with someone else who turn to look at me askance when they realize that i'm the disgusting creep in question. To make the experience so much the sweeter, Selena (who is SO high up on my favorite people list) explained to me that indeed Snake Nina is not to be blamed for her reaction; since when a girl is "out with her mates, right" and some "sketchy fuck" is trying to "take advantage of" a friend who has drank themselves past the point of self control, then "of course a girl's going to stick up for her, it's just the right thing to do, you know?" So, thank God, it actually turns out that Nina's not a gigantic bitch, but in fact handled the situation with an astutely perceptive grace and responsive genius. And here, silly me, I had not even considered myself to be the "sketchy fuck" in question, nor had I fully taken into account my deplorable attempt to take advantage of the poor birthday girl. Thank the fucking sweet lord jesus that they set me straight on that score. Un be fucking lievable. So, a night spent getting stabbed by the speared tongues of a legion of british bitches, TONS of fun and an evening well bloody spent.
Jolly Good.

I recall thinking that I need to be meeting more British kids; i think perhaps i need to qualify my future desires with little phrases like "that don't totally suck" or "that aren't wretched and horrible." Live and learn, liiiiiiive and learn.

PS: Matty commented to me in email about this, reminding me that I know martial arts and could have taken half that party apart if i'd wanted to, but am such a better person for playing it cool. Ice cold, ice cold.