I am one with the wind!

Hallelujah! With the help of this completely awesome walkthrough, I have fixed my iPod! I have music again! Thank you, CrunchGear!

According to the article, a lot of people's more dire iPod problems have to do age effecting the way the iPod casing grips the hard-drive, the upshot being that when the hard-drive isn't held as tightly in as it needs to be and wobbles minutely as it spins, then everything stops working. But this isn't death for your iPod: all you need to do to fix it is open your iPod up and wedge something in there so that when you close it again, the casing grips the hard-drive more securely. And presto! It spins like it wants to spin, perfectly orbiting its axis and at an insanely high speed, and giving you music. Huzzah! I tried this once with paper that was too thin and stiff to be a good material insulator, and had to re-do it with a slightly spongier strip of thinnish cardboard (torn from some box that something came in), but now it's holding true. I even took it jogging the other night, with no drama. Fucking. Awesome. Thank you CrunchGear!